Writer's Block

  The Super Mario Bros Movie My grandad bought me a Super Nintendo Entertainment System when I was very young. I sulked, as I wanted a Sega Megadrive, having heard a lot about a blue hedgehog who seemed pretty cool. About five minutes into playing Super Mario All Stars (a remastered collection of the first three Mario games originally released on the Nintendo Entertainment System), I realised that he had chosen wisely. Nintendo has been a part of my life ever since and in the world of pop culture, perhaps only The Simpsons has had a greater impact on me. Three decades since the last and frankly risible attempt to make a Super Mario film, Nintendo are back with the assistance of Illumination for another go. Mario is the most famous video game character of all time for a reason. A moustachioed everyman motivated by nothing more than a desire to defeat the evil Bowser to save Princess Peach, he’s the perfect avatar for the player to project themselves into. What makes him a great ...

Cocaine Bear My theory was that this film was either going to be magnificent or terrible and it’s something of a disappointment that it turned out to be neither. It’s nice to see Character Actress Margot Martindale on the big screen and she provides the most entertaining performance in the movie as a sassy park ranger. She and the rest of the cast aren’t given a tremendous amount to work with script wise, as jokes about “dusty beavers” demonstrate. Nonetheless, I also enjoyed the film debut of Scott Seiss, whose comedic employment based TikToks have become so popular that even I have heard of them. He and Martindale are involved in by the far the film’s best sequence, a ludicrous vehicle chase that ends in a memorable if somewhat gory fashion. It’s probably the only section where the film truly commits to the ludicrous nature of its premise and the remainder is largely dull by comparison. Phil Lord and Chris Miller have producer credits here and it’s a shame that there’s a lack of...

  The Fabelmans The film follows Sammy Fabelman (Gabriel LaBelle), a young aspiring filmmaker dedicated to his craft who must negotiate the challenges posed by familial strife. Any resemblance to a real director is I presume entirely coincidental. One of my issues with the family early on is that they’re almost insufferably twee and not a great deal of interest seems to happen. The film’s central familial conflict feels somewhat implausible and is centred around Sammy’s mother Mitzi (Michelle Williams). I have enjoyed Williams’ work in the past but found her overwrought, hysterical performance here rather offputting.   Thank goodness then that Uncle Boris (Hirsch) arrives to drop a grenade into proceedings, explaining his own history with film and the arts and underlining Sammy’s forthcoming dilemma. He decides to get to work on his highest scale production to date, a war epic. These are the most joyous shots in the movie, teeming with invention especially in the deploym...

I plan to write a monthly film blog in 2023, as a modest attempt to start writing again. My intention is to write mini-reviews of every film or event I watch at the cinema this year. This is the first of those. Off we go. Corsage Vicky Krieps plays Empress Elisabeth of Austria. Elisabeth has grown weary of her life and responsibilities, as evidenced in the opening scene where she fakes a fainting fit to get out of one of her rare public engagements. She fears turning 40 and has a somewhat turbulent relationship with her husband, who resents her failure to represent the kingdom that he claims to carry the burden of. This extends to her children, who both chastise her for her behaviour and for falling out of step with the monarchy. At the time of writing, these are certainly topical themes. An amusing scene later in the film sees her daughter compliment her grace and poise during an event, when she has sent one of her servants out in disguise to pose as her. A curious character, she’...

Starting Weight : 25 stone, 13 pounds.   Previous Weight : 23 stone. 12.6 pounds. New Weight : 24 stone, 2.2 pounds. This Month's Gain : 3.6 pounds. Total Weight Loss : 1 stone, 10.8 pounds. Well, this isn't good. A quarter of a stone gain moving me back over 24 stone and moving my total loss under two stone. It has been a pretty dreadful month and I don't honestly know what to say about it other than I have totally lost all desire and motivation. I've moved with ease back into my old patterns. When I'm sad, I eat. When I'm bored, I eat. When I can't cope, I eat. I have accepted that I'm probably going to live with depression for the rest of my life, but I'm never all that certain whether I'm just using it as an excuse for days and weeks and inaction. Nonetheless, a thousand negative thoughts are keeping me up at night at the moment.  Similarly, any forward impetus I might have had to exercise has long since evaporated. Throughout th...

I released an audio album version of my 2016 stand-up show 'The Wilderness Years' last week, because I suppose we all need a lockdown project. It is probably a consequence of wearing headphones everywhere for the past 20 years, but I'm a big fan of comedy records and prefer them to video specials. Having been an enormous fan of his for many years, I was delighted when Daniel Kitson started releasing some of his shows on Bandcamp, allowing me to relive his live work all over again. So I was excited by the idea of doing my own one.  It is the first time that I've revisited the show in depth for three years. It reminded me of the things I used to do on stage that I had totally forgotten. For example, I used to sigh a lot. I did occasionally get laughs doing it but it strikes me in retrospect as a strange performative decision. Probably a coping mechanism of sorts. As someone who constantly battles with self-loathing, I was surprised by the amount of material that still h...

Starting Weight : 25 stone, 13 pounds.   Previous Weight : 23 stone. 11.5 pounds. New Weight : 23 stone, 12.6 pounds. This Month's Gain : 1.1 pounds. Total Weight Loss : 2 stone, 0.4 pounds. I don't know how to judge this really. I am obviously unhappy with a gain after a month but am unsure to what extent I can use the lockdown as mitigation. I haven't been binge eating but I have returned to my comfort foods of choice. Macaroni cheese, cauliflower cheese, anything with cheese. The Pepsi Max continues to flow. Succumbing to the confectionery temptations of Easter has also been a factor. What has been a particular concern is the extent to which I've lost motivation to exercise. I think I've done 10,000 steps a day twice in the past fortnight and on both occasions the amount of physical and mental energy required to get through it seemed enormous. There's only so many times you can walk around your local park or graveyard without getting bore...