Blog 13

The 44th day of the year and only at my thirteenth post. I'm clearly going to have to churn out a lot more drivel. Or do the sensible thing and write about topics I want to as and when they arise. It's been a busy week with a lot of travelling. I've mainly been to London in the pursuit of jobs and in the name of research on that front. It's a demoralizing experience, but there was some progress this week in terms of getting preliminary interviews and that sort of thing. I decided to shave off my beard in preparation, as a concession towards presentation and the discriminatory attitudes some employers still have towards facial hair. Clean shaven for the first time in six months, there's no longer anything to hide my collection of chins. I now feel that I look far worse. I'll be discussing the issue of my weight in another blog.

On Tuesday, I visited my Granddad in hospital. His health has deteriorated quickly since the start of the year. I've only been twice to see him since then, while my parents have driven down from Kent to Sussex to visit three or four times a week. Part of the reason for this is that I get really depressed in hospitals and that I never know quite what to say to my grandfather. On my first visit, he was weak, frail and unable to speak coherently or maintain control of his movements. It felt like I was watching him die.

He's improved since then, but he has taken certain decisions which will shorten his life rather than compromise his ability to live independently. At 88, he has enjoyed a long and happy life on his terms and I think my mum has started to prepare for the end. But he's always been a large part of our lives and he's my last remaining grandparent. It'll no doubt feel strange and hugely saddening when the time comes.