Failure

I'm in a fretful mood. Turning 27 recently has seemed to amplify all of my issues, concerns and worries. I've touched before on my employment situation, or rather my lack of employment situation. It seems completely ridiculous to be 27 years old and never to have had a full time job. I'm sure I'm not the only 27 year old in the United Kingdom who has never had a full time job, frequently struggles to muster the desire to get up in the morning because of depression, then wonders whether they are actually depressed or if their current situation is a damning indictment of their personal failings. But I'm the only one that I know.

Another is the notion of comparison and how much worse it makes me feel to know that there are teenage entrepreneurs, happily married couples and twentysomething millionaires in the world. Most of the people I've talked to tend to discourage me from doing this, "When I compare myself to others, I destroy myself" etc. It's sound advice, but relies on you being happy with your particular lot in life. Everyone who has ever said that to me I suspect is able to pay their way, for example.

My anxieties regarding this has partially brought on by the fact I have two more accountancy exams in the next 11 days to complete my qualification. One of them is in 6 days time and I'm struggling. I feel like I've hit the proverbial wall, reading and reading over and over but with no greater comprehension of the concepts at hand. It's made me question whether I'm truly cut out for it. At this point, failure is not an option. This feels like my last chance to move forward. To build a career, to build a life, to try and fix the damage of the past few years that sometimes feels irreparable. I've got a shit ton of work still to do.

Argh.

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