Oh Sweet Jesus, When Will It End?
That title could refer to any number of different things in my life but on this occasion, we're back onto football. Even though I know when the football season will end. One week today, on the 24th May. Sunderland's plucky if uninspiring 0-0 draw against Leicester City has nudged us closer to safety, with Hull losing to Tottenham and Newcastle also suffering defeat away at relegated QPR. But we have the wretched variable of two remaining fixtures away to Arsenal and Chelsea.
To drop out of the Premier League, Sunderland would have to lose both matches, Hull would need to beat Manchester United and Newcastle would need to beat West Ham (or draw with West Ham and Sunderland would need to lose both matches with a combined deficit of five goals). I do not think all of those four things will happen. But suffice to say, there is a nervy week in prospect. At least this time next week it will all definitively be over one way or the other and I can get on with my annual May vow to stop focusing so much on football. It is at best, a character flaw.
There are certain behavioural patterns I can identify when in periods of low mood.
1. If I have no other commitments, I will attempt to sleep away as much of the day as possible.
2. I will visit McDonalds far more frequently than I otherwise would.
3. I will play FIFA on the Xbox 360 to excess.
This time I've actually gone to the lengths of creating my own player. He was sent out from Sunderland to Notts County on loan in the first season, having spurned advances from Stevenage and Gillingham. I was concerned about the quality of life in those areas and reasoned that moving to Nottingham would at least allow him to visit the National Videogame Arcade and attend gigs at Rock City. This is admittedly an area that the game does not touch upon.
But life proved difficult in his first four months, scoring only two goals. He had a much improved second half of the season after the calibre of the opposition mysteriously decreased and they became less difficult to play against. He netted 15 goals which saw Notts into the playoffs, where an unfortunate deflected goal in the second leg consigned them to a 3-2 aggregate defeat to MK Dons.
Still, his performances were good enough to attract the attentions of Charlton Athletic in the Chamionship. Having had a soft spot for Charlton as one of his local clubs, he willingly accepted the move. The fans quickly took him to their hearts and Stainbank went on to score 25 goals in a deadly partnership with Yann Kermogant. His form inexplicably attracted the attention of national team boss Roy Hodgson who gave him 2 caps in matches against Denmark and Romania, regrettably failing to net on either occasion.
His form fired Charlton to promotion to the Premier League, only missing out on the title due to the fact he was injured with five weeks to go and the game doesn't let you play in the matches that your player is not involved in for some reason. Mystifying, the simulated fixtures resulted in 4 Charlton defeats.
Returning to his parent club, he has found a place in the Sunderland starting eleven. They're in third place but with only two goals, he finds himself in the shadow of Gaston Ramirez who has netted nine so far. Come back tomorrow for more on my mental decline.
To drop out of the Premier League, Sunderland would have to lose both matches, Hull would need to beat Manchester United and Newcastle would need to beat West Ham (or draw with West Ham and Sunderland would need to lose both matches with a combined deficit of five goals). I do not think all of those four things will happen. But suffice to say, there is a nervy week in prospect. At least this time next week it will all definitively be over one way or the other and I can get on with my annual May vow to stop focusing so much on football. It is at best, a character flaw.
There are certain behavioural patterns I can identify when in periods of low mood.
1. If I have no other commitments, I will attempt to sleep away as much of the day as possible.
2. I will visit McDonalds far more frequently than I otherwise would.
3. I will play FIFA on the Xbox 360 to excess.
This time I've actually gone to the lengths of creating my own player. He was sent out from Sunderland to Notts County on loan in the first season, having spurned advances from Stevenage and Gillingham. I was concerned about the quality of life in those areas and reasoned that moving to Nottingham would at least allow him to visit the National Videogame Arcade and attend gigs at Rock City. This is admittedly an area that the game does not touch upon.
But life proved difficult in his first four months, scoring only two goals. He had a much improved second half of the season after the calibre of the opposition mysteriously decreased and they became less difficult to play against. He netted 15 goals which saw Notts into the playoffs, where an unfortunate deflected goal in the second leg consigned them to a 3-2 aggregate defeat to MK Dons.
Still, his performances were good enough to attract the attentions of Charlton Athletic in the Chamionship. Having had a soft spot for Charlton as one of his local clubs, he willingly accepted the move. The fans quickly took him to their hearts and Stainbank went on to score 25 goals in a deadly partnership with Yann Kermogant. His form inexplicably attracted the attention of national team boss Roy Hodgson who gave him 2 caps in matches against Denmark and Romania, regrettably failing to net on either occasion.
His form fired Charlton to promotion to the Premier League, only missing out on the title due to the fact he was injured with five weeks to go and the game doesn't let you play in the matches that your player is not involved in for some reason. Mystifying, the simulated fixtures resulted in 4 Charlton defeats.
Returning to his parent club, he has found a place in the Sunderland starting eleven. They're in third place but with only two goals, he finds himself in the shadow of Gaston Ramirez who has netted nine so far. Come back tomorrow for more on my mental decline.
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