5th September
I have, over the last few years, suffered with depression. Or at
least I believe that to be true. There are some days where I'm not
altogether certain whether I do actually suffer from depression or
whether I'm just a total arsehole who is incapable of doing what he
needs to do to join everyone else in the real world. You know, the sort
of person who is habitually demonised by the tabloid press.
In the 24 hours between the end of Thursday and the start of Saturday (you may know it as Friday), I slept for a total of 15 hours. I'm not altogether sure whether I slept for that long because of my depression, because I'm suffering from a sense of lethargy brought on by obesity, or whether I'm just a lazy piece of shit. I staggered out of bed close to 7pm to go to the gym.
I know what my old CBT therapist would have said about that. That while I spent the overwhelming majority of the day asleep, I succeeded in doing something productive to salvage the day. But that's not really enough, is it? To try and get myself out of the hole I currently find myself in, in life?
It's also annoying that I don't have the sort of depression that inspires, say a devastatingly funny and incisive web comic. Or a brilliant record, like Say Anything's "...Is A Real Boy"*. On the subject of musicians with depression, Modern Baseball (who I like very much) recently pulled out of Reading and Leeds citing the mental health issues of their guitarist Brendan. It genuinely heartened me that the fans affected accepted the news well and that he felt comfortable enough to reveal the issue. I don't recall a similar instance of a band doing that so that must represent progress of sorts.
This is a late night edit that has less coherent structure than even the least structurally coherent of my posts. I'm pleased people can talk about depression, am I a lazy piece of shit? There are some jumbled up thoughts going on here. I'll get back tomorrow to reviewing shows that I've paid too much money to see but I'll write about because at least you don't need qualifications or endorsements to watch something.
*I'm being a bit flippant here. In response to the fans who expressed their dislike for Say Anything's newer material, frontman Max Bemis said something along the lines of "The people who want me to be who I was when I recorded that album don't realise that I'd be more likely to turn up naked on their doorstep than to record IARB2", which I liked.
In the 24 hours between the end of Thursday and the start of Saturday (you may know it as Friday), I slept for a total of 15 hours. I'm not altogether sure whether I slept for that long because of my depression, because I'm suffering from a sense of lethargy brought on by obesity, or whether I'm just a lazy piece of shit. I staggered out of bed close to 7pm to go to the gym.
I know what my old CBT therapist would have said about that. That while I spent the overwhelming majority of the day asleep, I succeeded in doing something productive to salvage the day. But that's not really enough, is it? To try and get myself out of the hole I currently find myself in, in life?
It's also annoying that I don't have the sort of depression that inspires, say a devastatingly funny and incisive web comic. Or a brilliant record, like Say Anything's "...Is A Real Boy"*. On the subject of musicians with depression, Modern Baseball (who I like very much) recently pulled out of Reading and Leeds citing the mental health issues of their guitarist Brendan. It genuinely heartened me that the fans affected accepted the news well and that he felt comfortable enough to reveal the issue. I don't recall a similar instance of a band doing that so that must represent progress of sorts.
This is a late night edit that has less coherent structure than even the least structurally coherent of my posts. I'm pleased people can talk about depression, am I a lazy piece of shit? There are some jumbled up thoughts going on here. I'll get back tomorrow to reviewing shows that I've paid too much money to see but I'll write about because at least you don't need qualifications or endorsements to watch something.
*I'm being a bit flippant here. In response to the fans who expressed their dislike for Say Anything's newer material, frontman Max Bemis said something along the lines of "The people who want me to be who I was when I recorded that album don't realise that I'd be more likely to turn up naked on their doorstep than to record IARB2", which I liked.
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