Writer's Block

I had a day off today from my exciting life as a hotshot bookmaker. I have predominantly been resting prior to a dinner out that quickly descended into familial bickering. I may share my feelings about my childhood and my general unhappiness with life some other time. In the meantime I would like to congratulate Zak Splijt for bringing home the Leicester Square New Comedian Of The Year 2015 award with his character LJ Da Funk. It's a big, broad, silly, bombastic act that I enjoy watching. Kudos to him. Barring an unlikely series of events, I have competed in my final stand-up comedy competition. The fact I've never won one will remain a "Steven Gerrard failing to the Premier League with Liverpool" type regret. Always the bridesmaid. Anyway, join me tomorrow for the start of my blogging advent calendar. Instead of a delicious chocolate treat, you'll receive 24* underwhelming 250 word messages analysing a life that frankly should have been left unexamined. *Is ...

Coheed and Cambria step out of the universe of "The Amory Wars"* on "The Colour Before The Sun", the band's first non-concept record. The result is a more polished, more accessible offering from the prog-rock veterans. Opener "Island" combines the band's trademark big riffs with a more melodic tone, while "Here To Mars" possesses a huge anthemic chorus. . There's a good deal more harmonising on TCBTS than past outings, particularly on "Ghost" where Claudio Sanchez's vocals are suitably haunting. It's followed by one of the album's stand out tracks, "Atlas", an epic sounding six minute love letter to Sanchez's son. The record closes with "Peace To The Mountain", an uplifting effort that swells with an orchestral section as it reaches its close. It's quite unlike anything the band have done before, which seems to neatly sum up this record. Ultimately, it sounds like a band consciously ...

Amanda and I went to the bingo again. I was unsuccessful again. Amanda was merely unsuccessful for the first time having procured a £10 prize for one line on her previous visit. I am concerned that winning at the bingo has become my Moby Dick. It was another uneventful late work shift, with only a few bets being placed on the heavyweight title fight between Wladimir Klitschko and Tyson Fury. Fury seems like an eccentric fellow, claiming earlier on in the week that he was "The Gypsy King". It's much easier to claim a moniker if no-one else wants it. But he can call himself whatever he wants now as the new champion of the world after a points victory. The "winner goes top" clash in the Premier League that I trailed last week resulted in a 1-1 draw between Leicester and Manchester United and Manchester City going top again. Still more uninspired fare from United, but  a history making feat from Jamie Vardy who scored for the 11th consecutive Premier League fixtur...

I watched a greyhound race today. Commentator: Number 4 has stopped. Why on earth has he done that? That's very disappointing. Yes, it is very disappointing when a dog coerced into racing with the incentive of a fake rabbit elects to remove himself from the charade. Perhaps, like many of us are from time to time, he was struck by the futility of it all. Still, number 4 is not a number. He is a real dog. I have now taken to copying and pasting my Facebook updates in the hope of boosting my word count. Anyway, that was the only takeaway from an otherwise unremarkable shift at work. Elsewhere, it was Black Friday, the first day of the Christmas shopping season. Yet another attempt to get us to spend money we don't have on things we don't need. I for one will not be taken in. Leaving aside the copy of FIFA 16 I bought. And four Less Than Jake t-shirts. And three Reel Big Fish t-shirts. Perhaps I have a problem. Also, Currys/PC World/whatever they're called now su...

It was confirmed today that BBC Three will move online from February 2016. This is something of a tricky issue. I think it would be reasonable to say that most young people no longer watch television in its conventional form, so it might be logical to put the network's programming online even if this move has clearly been taken for financial reasons. A number of the corporation's hit programmes started life on BBC Three and it's difficult to imagine that the next Little Britain or Gavin and Stacey will gain the same sort of traction without being nationally broadcast. I think most right minded people who aren't idealogical hatemongers recognise the value and importance of the BBC. But it's difficult to believe that the changes will stop here and that the BBC as we know it may come to an end. I once went out for drinks with a relative and some of his friends*. One of them was a taxi driver who was telling me about his inexplicably strong hatred of the Beeb. He cite...

Further to yesterday's blog, I have been informed by one correspondant that EAT apparently do the best Christmas sandwich. Sadly EAT branches are largely the preserve of urban dwellers and I have very few opportunities to go into the big city these days. But please continue to send in your Christmas sandwich recommendations. I went to bingo in the afternoon. It feels very much as though I've crossed a line. There is something dispiriting about losing nine games of bingo before stepping out into daylight. I later found myself in Waitrose where a woman barged past me as I was perusing the reduced to clear section, placing her trolley between myself and the bargains. Yet if I were to throw myself over her trolley, push her trolley to the other end of the aisle or take any of the plentiful number of reduced items from it, I would be the one in the wrong. Anyway, it was an act of rudeness that did not go unnoticed. Nonetheless, I shuffed round in time to procure £6 off a cottage p...

I woke up this morning to a couple of food related messages from my friend Amanda and cult comedian Darren Maskell. Maskell had sent evidence of going to breakfast at a Toby Carvery for the first time. This was in part a reference to a long running series of "sad meals" that I occasionally flag up. Quite high up that list was a Toby Carvery breakfast I had on the day of a funeral in 2011*. Which was passable as such things go. Anyway, the photograph Maskell had sent seemed to signify typical full English fare, with the surprise inclusion of a Yorkshire pudding. His other comments concerned strangers struggling to use the toaster and the fact that "Tango Vanilla is bullshit". Amanda meanwhile told me to steer clear of Greggs' festive flatbread in our ongoing discussion of Christmas sandwiches. I had a low calorie Marks and Spencer offering the other day that was a bit dry, I suspect mostly due to the butternut stuffing. My other observations: Waitrose's is ...

Football on a Monday night is essentially a television construct and if your team is playing, it's a bit of a pain in the arse having to wait more than 50 hours after most of the weekend's action is finished. Even more so if you're a Sunderland fan waiting to see your team get beaten again. So it was with some delight that I saw them buck the trend courtesy of a poor attacking showing from Palace and an a combined clanger from Scott Dann and Wayne Hennessey that saw Jermain Defoe pass the ball into an empty net. The other positive other than a decent defensive showing for a change was the appearance of Duncan Watmore from the bench. Watmore is 21 years old and plays with the sort of enthusiasm and fearlessness that football fans love. The club have recently tied him down to a four year contract and I reckon he'll be a hugely important player for years to come. I suspect he'll end up at Liverpool like most of Sunderland's best players. Tonight's result al...

Nothing to say again really. Watching The Grand Budapest Hotel again. Still great.  EDIT 30/12: Seriously, watch The Grand Budapest Hotel if you haven't already. Ralph Fiennes is terrific in it, giving a fine comedic performance*. He is also very good as "M" in Spectre, which I forgot to review but which I liked very much and couldn't really understand why some of the criticism of it was so venomous. I can't remember if I've told the story of Ralph Fiennes I was told many years ago on the blog before. Apologies for repeating if so. My history teacher at various points during secondary school (the brilliant Mrs Furness) told us about the time that her husband, who was a TV repair man, was charged with going round to Ralph Fiennes' residence to fix his television. Fiennes was apparently at his wit's end trying to work out what was wrong, before Mr Furness concluded that he had failed to plug the TV in at the wall.  I mention this because it's i...

Another uneventful work shift. It's still cold out. I was treated to another unimpressive performance from Manchester United, scraping past Watford 2-1 after Troy Deeney diverted the ball into his own net. In the past, United would have gone for the jugular after scoring an early goal like they did today. Instead, they let a well organised but technically inferior side get back into the game. Louis Van Gaal will doubtless point to the bottom line but it's difficult to believe there are many United fans enjoying the football the team are playing at the moment.  Yet inexplicably they find themselves above both Arsenal and Manchester City after both sides lost today. They are kept from the top spot by Leicester City, who nine months ago looked destined to be relegated from the top flight. It's an extraordinary story, exemplified by Jamie Vardy, who matched the record set by Ruud Van Nistelrooy* of scoring in ten consecutive Premier League fixtures. United and Leicester meet ...

It's cold out. I went to work and took some bets. I continue to lack enthusiasm for this whole "blog writing" enterprise. I neglected to mention that I received my first pay packet a couple of days ago. It was more than I would earn in three months work at the National Trust, which gives some idea about the improvement of my circumstances. It essentially allows me to live within my means without eating into my savings, whilst still being able to put some away. It's not a life changing situation in the short term, but it means a great deal to me and gives me a platform to build on. The job does involve making a few sacrifices. Missing the majority of Super Sundays on Sky I can live with. The likelyhood that I'm going to have to miss most of my favourite bands when they're in town is a pity, but I can live with it. The trickiest one of all concerns stand-up comedy. Virtually all of my shifts end after 6pm (many of them much later), which means I can only perfo...

I found a small window inbetween work shifts to do one last afternoon at Chartwell today. It was a figurative and literal damp squib, with 16 people through the door in three and half hours. But I very much enjoyed shooting the breeze with my volunteer, Mary, who is one of those people who is Chartwell through and through. I'm not a very sentimental person but I did allow myself a spot a reminiscience. There were times when the job drove me crazy but it wasn't all bad by any stretch of the imagination. I think the job generally gave me more confidence in working with the public which can only be a positive thing moving forward. A precocious and inquisitive young boy asked a few questions. One of them concerned a giant plant near the waterfall. I confidently informed him that it was "gunnera manicata" which is basically a form of giant rhubarb. I realised later that I'd made a note of that on the day I walked up to the house for my interview four years ago and ne...

Yeah, it's another blog about Tellison. I'm pretty predictable. "Get On" is the opening track from Tellison's second record "The Wages Of Fear". It's propelled by a hugely catchy guitar riff, after some nice anticipatory piano. I basically relate to this song on every level. Because the lyrical content is massively negative, obviously. I've spoken elsewhere about the miserable vibe of "Hope Fading Nightly" being one of the reasons I like that record so much and this song very much feels like a precursor. Indeed, Stephen H Davidson spoke in The Independent about this song very much been thematically linked to "Helix and Ferman" from the new record ("Driving home from a show where you've never felt so along, it's ok, 26 will be great"). "Get On" hints amongst other things at the struggles the band had to write and put out their second record and is largely about both being a creative person in a rut...

I have a little over six weeks left of this blog to do and find myself crawling towards the line. Here's half a film review. Today I caught an early afternoon screening of "The Lady In The Van". It's the "mostly true" story of Alan Bennett allowing a local homeless woman to park her van on his front drive, where she proceeded to stay for fifteen years. It's not particularly lofty fare but I enjoyed it, thanks to a warm and witty screenplay from Bennett and excellent performances from Maggie Smith as the titular character and Alex Jennings as Bennett. Jennings plays two Bennetts, as the man living the events and the man writing about them, which results in a tonally strange conclusion. But that's a minor point. I suspect it ticked all the boxes required for the overwhelmingly grey haired audience who had sold the screening out. I then headed to work for the late shift, catching snippets of an emotional evening at Wembley as England played France. I...

I've fortunately been permitted an extra day by my employers to sleep off the excesses of the weekend. It was a more emotional, life affirming weekend than I normally involve myself in. In many ways it was the perfect riposte to the harrowing events of Friday night*, to engage myself in life at its finest. I found myself bursting with joy and love for my friends in a way that I didn't necessarily expect. More predictably, it left me reflecting back upon my own life, what I want from it and what I'm going to need to do to get there. But we'll leave that for another time. Congratulations once again to the new Mr and Mrs Galloway and I wish them nothing but happiness for the future. As for me, I went to play bingo alone again. I have recently discovered that those who play the game electronically rather than on paper can buy up to 96 cards for any session, rendering it pretty pointless for those of us who want to play one card on paper. Anyway, another inevitably luckl...

Another wedding blog goes here

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My thoughts are with the people of Paris tonight after a series of appalling terrorist attacks in the French capital. There's not an awful lot more to say.

oh good lord i don't have the time for this anymore

Much to my surprise, my father decided to join me for the premiere of the ninth series of Peep Show, describing it as "not too bad". Praise indeed. There is seldom any crossover in our viewing tastes, save for the ludicrous number of football matches we watch. Essentially, this opening episode set about laying the ground to reunite the El Dude Brothers, following the conclusion to Season 8, where Mark's girlfriend Dobby had left him to go to New York, in part due to Jeremy's actions. Sure, the plot was a bit zany, resulting in Jerry (Tim Key, perhaps becoming a bit overexposed in British comedy) being dragged out of Mark's flat so Jeremy can move back in. There were times when the dialogue crept into self parody*. But I laughed an awful lot and spending time with these characters is still a great pleasure. A special mention has to go to Matt King's Superhans, going from a teetotal juice detox enthusiast to lewd bathroom drunk in the blink of an eye. I'...

I've taken advantage of a rare night off to watch the PDC's Grand Slam of Darts*. What's particularly interesting about the Grand Slam is that it invites players from the PDC's competitors, the BDO, to take part. A particularly intriguing story is the participation of Andy Fordham. Fordham was a former BDO champion before a serious drinking problem became a life threatening issue (his weight ballooned to 31 stone and he was informed that 75% of his liver had died). At the age of 53, he's made an unlikely return to the oche and qualified for the Grand Slam. But there was to be no fairytale return following a 5-2 defeat at the hands of Michael Smith. Martin Adams (currently ranked number 2 in the BDO) has won through to the last sixteen. A lot has been made between the rivalry between the British Darts Organisation and the Professional Darts Corporation. He spoke very engagingly on the subject in the post match subject and suggested there was no emnity on his part...

I went to work. I processed six betting slips and watched most of FC United's defeat to Chesterfield in the first round of the FA Cup. That isn't really the basis of a blog, so here are some stray observations.  The ninth and final series of Peep Show starts on Wednesday. Peep Show is as far as I'm concerned, one of the best sitcoms we've ever produced. In particular, its themes of existentialism and anxiety strike a chord with people like me. The past couple of seasons haven't quite lived up to its early heyday but it's always a pleasure to spend time with Mark Corrigan* and Jeremy Usborne, two flatmates who can't live with oneother but ultimately can't live without oneanother either. I hope this last set of episodes sees the show go out on a high. Meanwhile, I've been inexplicably watching the newest episodes of The Simpsons. Still terrible, still shiny and soulless, more often than not it now damages the viewer's memories by referencing ba...

I would like to start off today's blog by apologising to the organisers of the "Static Shock Weekender". My friend Chris informs me that it is in fact a punk and hardcore festival rather than a metal one and I wish to clarify that particular point. I thought I knew enough about genres of music to differentiate between hardcore and metal. All I can say is that the band playing when I entered sounded like they were of the metal persuasion to me. Anyway, not much to report over the past couple of days other than I've been working and now feel somewhere between exhausted, lonely and sad. I may elaborate some other time. I'm going to a wedding next weekend and I know that social events of that type tend to exacerbate those feelings in me. I deeply regret what happened at the wedding I went to last year, where for whatever reason I spent most of my time sitting alone in the corner or out on the balcony seeming moody. I know it wasn't much fun for the people around...

Support for the Boom came from The Kenneths and The Tuts. The Kenneths play foot to the floor punk rock and their half an hour set whizzes by. I enjoyed it very much and will be checking out more of their stuff. The Tuts (as in tutting, rather than King Tut) play garage punk and a lot of their songs are too samey for me, with the exception of the vibrant"Dump Your Boyfriend" and a spirited cover of "Two Princes" featuring Laila Khan's vocals. Khan returns with her band 20 minutes later, launching into "Bigger Than Punk Rock". It's a frenzied start to a gig that. Ska tinged new single "No Man No Right" is an absolute delight that gets the room bouncing. A smattering of other new tracks suggest that the band are going in a more pop direction, with "Love" having a particularly disco feel. "Drop The Bass And Pick It Up" seems to perfectly encapsulate the band's genre melding style, whilst the soulful "Northern S...

I had a training day with my employers this afternoon. It was (as I anticipated) full of various exercises and group tasks the like of which I had experienced many times before. Still, the people seemed nice and it did give me food for thought in terms of customer service. And literal food in terms of Krispy Kreme and a Freddo*. After some more ill-advised, ultimately self-destructive food choices, I headed into London to watch Sonic Boom Six at the Boston Music Rooms near Tufnell Park. I had got it into my head that I had been to the Boston Music Rooms for a gig last year. It transpires that I was wrong and I had actually been to the Dome which is around the corner. To cut a long story short, I walked into a room of metalheads screaming about Satan. It appeared that I had inadvertantly stumbled into the first day of the "Static Shock Weekender", due to my own incompetence and an inattentive door person. In typical British fashion, she apologised and I accepted my persona...

Day off from work today. I returned to the gym for the first time in about a month after back trouble. I could only manage about an hour, which is probably fine but I am continuing to feel the consequences of my additional heft. I then took my second trip to the bingo in five days to prepare me for the next thirty years of bachelor living or something. I had a freebie that I was given the other day, that's my excuse. Anyway, I was a man saying the number "38" away from a full house and £100 in cash. Oh God, what has my life become. Surrey Quays at least provided a fine vantage point from some top calibre fireworks. Having given Halloween a kicking the other day, I am better disposed towards Bonfire Night and oohed and ahhed appropriately, if internally. Good news came today in the form of Alcopop Records announcing their Alcopalooza event at the Brixton Windmill* in January. It will be headlined by Tellison, playing "Hope Fading Nightly" in full. They have...

It is 4th November 2015 and I have completed an eight hour working shift for the first time. I am 27 years old. Still, better late than never I suppose. Fortunately I got through the last two hours mostly by watching Bayern Munich's excellent 5-1 humping of Arsenal. Currently decompressing by shovelling Peanut M&Ms into my mouth. Will I ever learn? Following a tip on Twitter, I have very recently used this link to find out how common my surname is across the world. It transpires there are a mere 1,241 Stainbanks* in the world. We were previously aware that most of the world's Stainbanks come from South Africa. I was unaware that apparently all but 90 are originally from there. These numbers should perhaps be taken with a pinch of salt but I found it interesting nonetheless. According to those results, there are 75 people in the UK with my surname. I reckon that leaves a pretty decent chance that I'm the only Richard Stainbank in the country. If your name is Richard...

Tired

I attended the Chartwell end of season meeting in Sevenoaks this morning. By all accounts it's been a very positive year with 222,000 people through the gates and all of the property's business targets being met or exceeded. I went along to confirm that I was leaving the National Trust and say my goodbyes. I had told myself earlier on in the year that I wanted my fourth season to be my last and stand by that decision. Ultimately, there would be . The Trust has been a big part of my life over the past five years and it feels strange to be leaving it behind, but the time is right. I was also saddened to hear that one of our colleagues, Ian, passed away last night. I didn't know Ian well but worked with him on a number of occasions and he provided a friendly, supportive presence down in the studio. He was very well liked among the team and greatly dedicated to the Chartwell cause over three years of volunteering in a variety of different roles. He will be hugely missed. It...

 Happy birthday to my sister Alexandra who is 30 years old today. Decade four. Time sure is marching on. Really makes you think about the pointlessness of it all. Still, she seems happy enough. I bought her some Harry Potter pyjamas from Primark, a place that I never want to shop in ever again. Having watched Sunderland's completely preposterous yet somehow utterly predictable 6-2 defeat to Everton*, I accepted my friend Amanda's invitation to visit one of London's many bingo halls. I am new to the world of bingo and initially found it all rather overwhelming. I mumbled something about paying Amanda back later as she sorted everything out. Mostly I just nodded as she explained her resentment of the people who use the online terminals rather than a paper card. Those people are deprived of the strangely therapeutic effect of marking off numbers on a bingo card, but seemed to be a lot more successful than their Luddite counterparts. Sadly I came away with nothing more than...