2015
We've reached the end of the year of daily blogging. 366 posts (because on one of the days I forgot how to count). I'm afraid you're going to have to humour me and ignore the 20 or so posts that don't have any real content in them. But I gave it a crack and in a technical sense, I completed the task. For the most part, I've enjoyed writing these posts and I hope they are of some value to someone, no matter how small.
As I said on the blog on New Year's Eve last year, maintaining mental clarity is important to me as is trying to keep myself in something approaching the right frame of mind to properly function as a human being. I'm still wrestling inside my head with the idea that I'm wasting my life, what I have achieved isn't good enough and that I should be ashamed of myself. With that in mind I'd like to take a moment to focus on the positive things from this year for me.
Completing the AAT Level 2 Certificate In Accounting in a three month period at the start of the year was a great achievement. It required hard work and application and not everyone could have done it. More recently, getting a new job that requires me to work five days a week has been helpful for providing me with both a renewed sense of purpose . Those two things alone make this feel like a good year, whereas the past four have felt like a complete bust.
I always enjoy going up to Edinburgh for the Fringe but this year might have been my favourite. Not only did I see a lot of great shows and do a few gigs myself but also got to spend a lot of time with people I care about. Equally, going back to Edinburgh as a tourist in October was also great. Performing on a Friday night at Up The Creek was also one of my highlights of the year. It's something I've been hoping for for a long time and I think I showed that I'm good enough to cut it on a professional bill. The role of stand-up comedy in my life remains a bit of an unresolved issue but as I've suggested, there are plans afoot for 2016.
On the downside, there are two issues that are probably related as much as I wish they weren't. The fact remains that there is a vast "love and companionship" shaped hole in my life that grows larger by the year. I can't hide it and I can't pretend it isn't a problem. I went on one date this year, which is nowhere near enough to maximise my chances of changing the situation. I feel time ticking away from me in this regard and I am pretty despondant.
Regrettably, my physical frame also grows larger by the year. Having set off with great intentions to lose weight, I put back on all the weight I had lost the previous year and more, which has left me nudging towards the largest weight I've ever been. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the older I get, the more I feel the effects. I tire easily. I feel my bed groaning under my weight. I feel already enormous shirts tightening under the pressure of my rotund figure. I'm staring down the barrel of serious health problems in the years to come.
But the hold my compulsive eating habits have is such that I seem to forget all this. I can look in the mirror and truly despise what I see and continue to binge eat the next day. I seriously hope that I'm able to change, because soon it might be too late.
I don't mean to end the final blog of 2015 on such a downbeat note. I've made some good progress, but there's a long road left for me to travel to get where I want to be. But only commitment and application will get me there. Happy New Year.
As I said on the blog on New Year's Eve last year, maintaining mental clarity is important to me as is trying to keep myself in something approaching the right frame of mind to properly function as a human being. I'm still wrestling inside my head with the idea that I'm wasting my life, what I have achieved isn't good enough and that I should be ashamed of myself. With that in mind I'd like to take a moment to focus on the positive things from this year for me.
Completing the AAT Level 2 Certificate In Accounting in a three month period at the start of the year was a great achievement. It required hard work and application and not everyone could have done it. More recently, getting a new job that requires me to work five days a week has been helpful for providing me with both a renewed sense of purpose . Those two things alone make this feel like a good year, whereas the past four have felt like a complete bust.
I always enjoy going up to Edinburgh for the Fringe but this year might have been my favourite. Not only did I see a lot of great shows and do a few gigs myself but also got to spend a lot of time with people I care about. Equally, going back to Edinburgh as a tourist in October was also great. Performing on a Friday night at Up The Creek was also one of my highlights of the year. It's something I've been hoping for for a long time and I think I showed that I'm good enough to cut it on a professional bill. The role of stand-up comedy in my life remains a bit of an unresolved issue but as I've suggested, there are plans afoot for 2016.
On the downside, there are two issues that are probably related as much as I wish they weren't. The fact remains that there is a vast "love and companionship" shaped hole in my life that grows larger by the year. I can't hide it and I can't pretend it isn't a problem. I went on one date this year, which is nowhere near enough to maximise my chances of changing the situation. I feel time ticking away from me in this regard and I am pretty despondant.
Regrettably, my physical frame also grows larger by the year. Having set off with great intentions to lose weight, I put back on all the weight I had lost the previous year and more, which has left me nudging towards the largest weight I've ever been. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the older I get, the more I feel the effects. I tire easily. I feel my bed groaning under my weight. I feel already enormous shirts tightening under the pressure of my rotund figure. I'm staring down the barrel of serious health problems in the years to come.
But the hold my compulsive eating habits have is such that I seem to forget all this. I can look in the mirror and truly despise what I see and continue to binge eat the next day. I seriously hope that I'm able to change, because soon it might be too late.
I don't mean to end the final blog of 2015 on such a downbeat note. I've made some good progress, but there's a long road left for me to travel to get where I want to be. But only commitment and application will get me there. Happy New Year.
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