4th April

Most of my thoughts for the day are football related and therefore must immediately be jettisoned. I opened the shop today. It's one of those things that does vaguely make me feel like an actual adult. Although obviously I probably should feel like an actual adult by now anyway but have various issues regarding arrested development. It's been a while since I've done CBT, but having sorted out my medication situation I'm trying to go back to some of the techniques I used to employ.

The idea of being a key holder for a business would have absolutely terrified me eighteen months ago. It still does cause me a certain amount of anxiety, but I feel like I need to give myself credit for consistently carrying out tasks that I either thought beyond me or thought were exceedingly difficult. There's always room for improvement but I get through most days now doing the things I need to do competently without heavily relying on the expertise of others. In some senses this seems like a low bar but for someone who spent years constantly questioning whether they were cut out for the world of work and trying to make sense of repeated failures, it feels important too.

I contribute to a business. The business would run less efficiently without me. At least, the amount of overtime I've done of late gives me that impression.

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