28th June
6 hours of college and 5 hours of work today. I feel flattened and dispirited by both. I'm quite happy to throw my support behind the theory that "You never stop learning" but I am sick to the back teeth of still being in classrooms at the age of 29. It still feels like a personal failing to me, but so many things in my life do. This is the first time that I've tried to study a course whilst doing (let's call it) 3/4 of a full time job. I have struggled throughout this whole process and feel that it is exceedingly unlikely that I will get where I need to be in the 14 days before my final exam.
Said exam is an onerous and unwieldy beast that deviates considerably from the others which preceded it. It'll be six weeks before the results come back. With all that considered I am probably better served chalking this one up to experience and studying through what remains of the summer for the probable retake.
This has thrown together all sorts of thoughts of "Am I good enough?" or "Am I trying hard enough?" or "Will I ever be in a position to move on?" or "Am I too hard on myself?" or "Am I not hard enough on myself?" or "Will I feel alright at some point?" or "Will I ever stop feeling permanently exhausted?". Which is probably best not to dwell on.
Said exam is an onerous and unwieldy beast that deviates considerably from the others which preceded it. It'll be six weeks before the results come back. With all that considered I am probably better served chalking this one up to experience and studying through what remains of the summer for the probable retake.
This has thrown together all sorts of thoughts of "Am I good enough?" or "Am I trying hard enough?" or "Will I ever be in a position to move on?" or "Am I too hard on myself?" or "Am I not hard enough on myself?" or "Will I feel alright at some point?" or "Will I ever stop feeling permanently exhausted?". Which is probably best not to dwell on.
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