8th July

I took the decision today to delete my online dating accounts. It seems for the past few years I've been getting into a pattern of sending a lot of messages, eventually going on one or two dates with one or two people and the whole enterprise fizzling out. I've decided to take a step back because I don't think that my engagement with the whole thing is especially healthy. For a long time, I've been obsessed with the absence of romantic relationships from my life and I've frequently considered myself a lesser person for not being in one.

 I've had a number of people in my life tell me that I need to go away and focus on myself and self-improvement before I consider the prospect of letting someone into my life. I'd often dismissed that as the smug summation of infinitely happier, coupled up people who didn't know what it was like to walk in my shoes. But I've come to the stage where I've accepted that those people may be right. I'm loathe to use the expression "work on myself" but that's probably what I need to do. It's a difficult call to make but it's probably the right one.

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