Writer's Block

Starting Weight : 25 stone, 13 pounds.   Previous Weight : 23 stone. 12.6 pounds. New Weight : 24 stone, 2.2 pounds. This Month's Gain : 3.6 pounds. Total Weight Loss : 1 stone, 10.8 pounds. Well, this isn't good. A quarter of a stone gain moving me back over 24 stone and moving my total loss under two stone. It has been a pretty dreadful month and I don't honestly know what to say about it other than I have totally lost all desire and motivation. I've moved with ease back into my old patterns. When I'm sad, I eat. When I'm bored, I eat. When I can't cope, I eat. I have accepted that I'm probably going to live with depression for the rest of my life, but I'm never all that certain whether I'm just using it as an excuse for days and weeks and inaction. Nonetheless, a thousand negative thoughts are keeping me up at night at the moment.  Similarly, any forward impetus I might have had to exercise has long since evaporated. Throughout th...

I released an audio album version of my 2016 stand-up show 'The Wilderness Years' last week, because I suppose we all need a lockdown project. It is probably a consequence of wearing headphones everywhere for the past 20 years, but I'm a big fan of comedy records and prefer them to video specials. Having been an enormous fan of his for many years, I was delighted when Daniel Kitson started releasing some of his shows on Bandcamp, allowing me to relive his live work all over again. So I was excited by the idea of doing my own one.  It is the first time that I've revisited the show in depth for three years. It reminded me of the things I used to do on stage that I had totally forgotten. For example, I used to sigh a lot. I did occasionally get laughs doing it but it strikes me in retrospect as a strange performative decision. Probably a coping mechanism of sorts. As someone who constantly battles with self-loathing, I was surprised by the amount of material that still h...