Writer's Block

I don't care for Halloween. Never have, never will. I dimly recall as a child going to a sister's friend's fancy dress party dressed in a bin liner in order to expose the whole thing for the shallow charade it was. Because I was a subversive child. Meanwhile, Sunderland drew 3-3 at home with Bolton Wanderers tonight, the only team below them in the second tier of English football and who had up to this point scored two goals away from home this season. Simon Grayson has rightly been sacked this evening after one win in 15 matches but it's difficult to imagine who will come and manage this basket case of a football club who might change its fortunes around and prevent a catastrophic back to back relegation. Following Sunderland was never a cakewalk but it's become an ordeal, sucking all the joy and enthusiasm out of me and everyone else who loves the club. Like a vampire.

1. "45" 2. The 59 Sound 3. Have Mercy 4. Blue Dahlia. 5. Bring It On 6. The Spirit of Jazz 7. Boxer 8. The Backseat 9. Great Expectations 10. Have Mercy 11. Get Hurt 12. Helter Skeleton

Almost an entire week of blogs without content. This would suggest that I'm busy. I'm actually just mentally and physically exhausted for very little reason. I ate an entire 500ml tub of Ben and Jerrys earlier which, like everyone else in the world, is a sign that I'm sad/depressed. It was a flavour that I had never tried before, although I'm not sure that's enough to absolve me. It was Berry Neighbourly, for the record. Fortunately it is a delightful fruity sensation, but also yet another act of self-abuse. I do want to address the issue of my weight in the new year when I don't have an exam looming over me (hopefully). But I've said this to myself so many times before and time is running out to make a change.

Sorry

Precious little content this week. Basically because precious little is going on. I'm coughing a lot and limping towards my exam retake/the end of the year. I was going to revise for my retake tonight but instead watched four episodes of Bojack Horseman. Any time you spend watching Bojack Horseman is not truly wasted but it doesn't say much for my powers of motivation at the moment. My powers of motivation have always been questionable admittedly. Still, tomorrow is another day.

A young boy walked past the shop tonight as my colleague and I were closing up. "What happens in there?", he enquired to his father. I didn't hear his response but it's probably for the best he doesn't know. I caught a headline on BBC News tonight about how there are apparently 400k gambling addicts in this country and only one specialist treatment centre. I probably should have stayed and watched the piece but having just got home from work, I didn't feel especially inclined to do so. I suppose everyone likes to separate their working lives from their personal lives, but it feels especially important for me to switch off from what I do. I don't lie in bed at night worried that I'm complicit in the ruination of other people's lives, but nor am I shut off from the consequences of what I'm involved in. I sense that this might become one of the major themes of my next stand-up show, whenever I get around to writing it.

A bad day at work. An early issue triggered my anxiety, leading to a stupid unfixable mistake and a few smaller unimportant errors. It feels especially self-defeating when you've allowed yourself to get worked up by something, your heart's pounding and you lose your focus and exacerbated the problem. But such things are the exception and not the norm and I still have many more good (if that's the right word) working days than bad ones. I'm struggling to take care of myself in all areas of my life but the "mental health" one is especially difficult to pin down. But it's best to draw a line under it and move on for now.

I'll mostly recall today for the red skies across the country that were apparently connected to Saharan sand being spread by Hurricane Orphelia and all the associated social media remarks about Instagram filters/Blade Runner 2049 etc. I've been hearing about the end of days for a while, I wish they'd bloody get on with it. In sad news, Sean Hughes died today at the age of 51. He contributed a huge amount to stand-up comedy and his loss will be felt across the industry. I've read a lot from various friends and stand-up comedians about his kindness and generosity. I haven't seen a great deal of his work and like a typical wanker I'll probably end up investigating it more after his passing. It's interesting to note his career path though, from youngest ever Perrier Award winner in Edinburgh to Never Mind The Buzzcocks before disappearing from public view. He appeared to be someone who intensely disliked the trappings of fame and celebrity and traded it in f...

I woke up on my friend Joanna's sofa in East London this morning after a long dark night of the soul, several conversations about life and several episodes of Bojack Horseman. I mostly recall an animated character from said series saying "It's never too late to be the person you want to be" before some intense staring. I've known Jo for eight years and I've always hugely admired her. In some respects I feel embarrassed talking about my problems with her, because she lacks many of the advantages I've had in my life but has found a way to stay positive and meet her goals. I mostly did a lot of monosyllabic mumbling in part because I'm unwell and my voice is about 50% gravel and 25% falsetto but in part because I struggle to articulate my feelings. For a few reasons, I'm having a difficult time at the moment and am paying the price for a number of self-destructive decisions. I'm still grappling with the notion that I have worth and that I am...

1. I Knew Prufrock Before He Got Famous 2. The Ballad Of Me And My Friends 3. The Real Damage 4. Poetry Of The Deed 5. Recovery 6. The Way I Tend To Be 7. Redemption 8. If Ever I Stray 9. Balthazar, Impresario 10. Nashville Tennessee 11. I Really Don't Care What You Did On Your Gap Year 12. The Next Storm

I saw three films last week that I haven't yet blogged about and I lack the energy or desire to stretch them out into three individual blogs so here we are. Blade Runner 2048: An undeniably visually stunning dystopian spectacle. I have no doubt that there will be people out there for whom this is the film of the year, decade or more. But I struggled to connect with it on an emotional level, although there are a number of strong performances. An easy film to admire but a difficult film to love. Also at 2 and half hours pre credits it's too long. NO FILM NEEDS TO BE LONGER THAN 2 HOURS. Goodbye Christopher Robin: The story of AA Milne and the creation of Winnie The Pooh. Domhnall Gleeson provides consistently good performances and does so again here as Milne, trying to overcome the struggles of PTSD and writer's block. Will Tilson is very good as his son, Christopher Robin, although his family call him Billy Moon. Margot Robbie as Milne's wife Daphne is poorly charact...

Off to Camden for the third time in four days, this time to the Monarch for a rare Ben Marwood headline show. He was supported by the Quiet Quiet Band, who introduce themselves by saying "we're a band who sing songs about murder". Which is true for the most part. It's country music with a sort of black comedy sensibility, or certainly the song about wanting to wear someone's face is. Their closing tune about drinking with the devil is particularly catchy and distinctive. Would listen again. The Reading singer songwriter takes to the stage with chants of "MARWOOOOOD". There are about a hundred in the Monarch tonight and a higher than normal level of good natured heckling. It's basically a pub show with a pub atmosphere. On top of writing some great songs, Marwood is a charming and entertaining host who takes the loss of a bass guitar string in his stride, jumping straight into "Lock And Key" instead, whilst jokingly referring to the at...

There was no New Found Glory last night and frankly, I am bereft. I've been trying to find a way around the fact there are several blogs this year that have no content and I probably should do something to resolve this. Equally, there is very little desire or inclination on my part to put anything substantial in them. Thus, I've decided to do a Top 12 list of various things I like called "The Dozen". It'll be fairly quick to do and you can pretend you're interested in following my recommendations. It seems appropriate to start with a dozen New Found Glory songs. 1. My Friends Over You 2. Dressed To Kill 3. It's Been A Summer 4. It's Not Your Fault. 5. Listen To Your Friends 6. All Downhill From Here 7. Hit Or Miss 8. 3rd and Long 9. Connect The Dots 10. Sucker 11. Failure's Not Flattering 12. Barbed Wire

The final leg of New Found Glory's "Twenty Years Of Pop Punk" UK tour took place at the Underworld in Camden last night. I caught Roam's set in its entirety and they pretty much confirmed what I thought about them a fortnight ago, that their spiky riffed tunes have got potential even if they're yet to mark out their own identity as a band. A 500 capacity sweatbox like the Underworld is a more suitable venue for them though. Their new record comes out on Friday and I'll be giving it a listen on Spotify. New Found Glory return with their debut full length "Nothing Gold Can Stay" and their fifth record "Coming Home", which was something of a pop-rock record and a departure for the band up to that point. The album's big singles "It's Not Your Fault" and the title track are despatched a little too early in the set for my liking but the former in particular is a great pop song, so much so that One Direction borrowed its piano ...

I returned to London town for the third instalment of this thrilling four part series. As I did last night, I only caught about 15 minutes of Roam, but they seemed to benefit from the smaller surroundings of the Electric Ballroom. I will endeavour to watch their whole set at the Underworld tomorrow. New Found Glory race out of the blocks with a flawless song selection. "Don't Let Her Pull You Down" seems to send the entire room surging forward, it's "It's time that I rain on your parade" refrain still brilliant fun to sing along to. Add the huge riffed "At Least I'm Known For Something" and "Please Don't Let This Be The End" into the mix and we're off to a flier. They played "Not Without A Fight" and "Catalyst" tonight, two of the band's heavier records that compliment each other well in a live setting. A sweaty club like the Electric Ballroom proves to be the perfect location for them too. All I ...

Back to the Forum for the second of four New Found Glory shows. Tonight they were playing "Sticks and Stones" and "New Found Glory" in their entirety. To paraphrase Eric Morecambe, they're playing all the right songs, but not necessarily in the right order. It's an approach that allows the band to retain the structure of a live show whilst treating us to some little heard album tracks. It's the "Something I Call Personality"/"Black & Blue"/"Sucker" trifecta that brings me the most joy tonight, a circle pit friendly set staple into a two minute fast scrappy pop punk track into one of the best singalongs in the band's back catalogue. Of the four shows, this combination of records brings the highest hit rate and there are very few lulls tonight. It's difficult to fault the crunchy renditions of new tracks "Party On Apocalypse" and "Happy Being Miserable" either, despite the lukewarm reaction of...

I had the great misfortune to watch England's match against Slovenia last night, from which they needed a win to guarantee qualification to next year's World Cup in Russia. They belatedly achieved this with a goal in the third minute of stoppage time from Harry Kane. The 92 minutes that preceded it were so bereft of quality and excitement that the spectators at Wembley took to throwing paper aeroplanes in the direction of the pitch. Once again, we were treated to highly paid professional footballers who frequently perform at a high standard for their clubs barely able to string two passes together. ITV commentator Clive Tyldesley has infuriated me greatly over the years but yesterday I actually had some sympathy with him and his professional obligation to pretend we weren't witnessing one of the most wretched matches in recent memory. He's somewhat like Nicholas Witchell, doomed to report on a once great and world renowned institution, now consigned to irrelevance. Of...

In the closing years of her life, Queen Victoria (Dame Judi Dench) strikes up a relationship with an Indian servant Abdul Karim (Ali Fasal). He becomes her "munshi" or teacher and becomes an increasingly integral part of her plans, much to the dismay of her son Bertie (Eddie Izzard) and the remainder of the royal household who plot to get rid of it. This is probably worth seeing for a typically excellent Dame Judi Dench performance, exhuding world weariness and vunerability. Karim's role feels underwritten, the character tending to spout cliched aphorisms. Adeel Ahktar is on good form as Mohammed, who can scarcely believe the situation he and Abdul find themselves in and has a nice line in comedic indignation. I remain unconvinced by Izzard as an actor though and each time he's on screen I feel he's seconds away from drifting into one of his surrealist routines, although that may just be me. The film requires you to suspend your disbelief for much of its runni...

I'm seeing Blade Runner 2049 on Friday and realised that I hadn't watched the original. Fortunately, Sky currently have it on their current rotation. Or they have one of the versions. I've since discovered that the Final Cut is considered to be the definitive version of the film. I believe Sky have the International Cut, which is the original with a couple more violent scenes. I find Harrison Ford to be watchable in pretty much anything and he proves so again here, although I can't say I took to the film as a whole and his narration (absent from the newer versions) doesn't add a lot. I can understand why its murky, noir aesthetic has inspired countless filmmakers since (the most recent film version of Ghost In The Shell comes to mind), but the plot failed to grab me. The tacked on happy ending is also a total cop out. Still, I enjoyed the showdown with Rutger Hauer at the end and it's good to hear the "Lost like tears in rain" speech that I know of...

A year after the events of the Kingsman: The Secret Service, Eggsy (Taron Egerton) is chased down by former Kingsman trainee Charlie Hesketh (Edward Holcroft). It transpires that Hesketh is working for Poppy Adams (Julianne Moore), who helms the world's largest drug cartel, a sinister organisation known as "The Golden Circle". When she successfully destroys Kingsman's UK bases, Eggsy and Merlin (Mark Strong) must enlist the assistance of their US sister group Statesman, who have successfully saved the life of Harry Hart (Colin Firth), presumed dead from the previous film. A mixed bag of performances here. I like Egerton, although I thought he was better in "Eddie The Eagle". Strong and Firth once again provide some much needed class to a film I'd probably like a good deal less without them. Moore is totally phoning it in and you'd scarcely believe that this was the same actor who was so brilliant in "Still Alice". But then Samuel L Jackso...

Yesterday, a man opened fire from the 32nd floor of a hotel on a group of concertgoers in Las Vegas. Nearly 60 people were killed, making it the worst mass shooting in recent US history after last year's massacre at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando. It's difficult to know what to say about this any more. It defies all sense of logic and reason that a man can wander into a hotel armed to the teeth and commit an atrocity like this. One has no reason to assume that this will change anything. As a good many people have observed, if the murder of 20 children at Sandy Hook wasn't enough to prompt a change in legislation, it's clear that America has made its choice. The sporadic mass murder of innocent people will continue to be tolerated because of their ludicrous attachment to the Second Amendment right to bear arms, which has been wilfully misinterpreted. One wonders if a steadfast adherence to a 230 year old document in the present day is a logical approach to begin with, ...

Ah, October. Just three more months of this stupid endeavour. I'm mentally and physically exhausted despite not having much cause to be mentally and physically exhausted. I basically have an overwhelming desire to sleep all the time. Still, 12 days off from work now. They may have half arsed their show at New Slang on Thursday but Feeder haven't half arsed the tracklisting of their new "Best Of" record, with 41 tracks over two discs arriving in the post. It should provide some accompaniment to any long car journeys in the near future anyway. I've also been listening to "Burst and Decay", the new acoustic EP from The Wonder Years today. A review later in the week if I remember.