Writer's Block

Due to the Feeder gig, I missed Thursday night's Super League semi final between St Helens and Castleford Tigers. Despite being ahead with 2 minutes to go, Saints allowed Castleford to send the game into extra time courtesy of a cheap penalty and the Tigers won with the "golden point". I'm glad I didn't watch it, what a devastating way to lose. Still, there's always next year. If me simply telling you a rugby league result from two nights ago wasn't a big enough clue, I once again have nothing to talk about. I did have a "long dark night of the soul" last night but now doesn't feel like the time. 

 Feeder played New Slang in Kingston last night ahead of the release of their greatest hits record. I'm not that familiar with Feeder's more recent output but opener "Universe of Life" feels more jagged around the edges whilst "Eskimo" has a moodier feel. The highlight of the set is probably "Feeling A Moment", a song I'd completely forgotten that I love, both maudlin and quietly optimistic. "Just The Way I'm Feeling" continues in a similar vein, prompting mass singalongs. It's a song I never skip when it comes on shuffle on my iPod, because it's lovely. The band give the crowd the option of hearing "Just A Day" or "Buck Rogers", to which the only logical response is "play both". But it's the former that wins out, with its iconic riff sending the room into a predictable frenzy. They end with "Sweet 16", an obscure old track. The band go off, leading to an awkward three minutes ...

I'm now nine working hours and three days away from what I believe to be a much needed holiday. Despite the fact that my last holiday was only seven weeks ago. Two years into this job and the drudgery and tedium is starting to get to me. It's certainly time for a change but there are no guarantees in my life. I described the problems in my life to a friend as "the weight thing", "the career thing", "the comedy thing" and "the relationship thing". That's a lot of things. Anyway, I'm going to forget about it all with an impromtu visit to Kingston and New Slang at the Hippodrome to see Feeder. I haven't been to a Feeder gig since 2006. I'm very much a casual fan and I'm going to be one of those posers who hopes they play all the singles tonight.  Hugh Hefner died today. I have no opinion on this.

1. How A Resurrection Really Feels 2. Sequested In Memphis 3. Killer Parties 4. The Only Thing 5. Party Pit 6. Constructive Summer 7. Lord, I'm Discouraged 8. Stay Positive 9. Slapped Actress 10. Spinners 11. Stuck Between Stations 12. Your Little Hoodrat Friend

1. Ocean Avenue 2. Empty Apartment 3. Only One 4. How I Go 5. Fields & Fences 6. Always Summer 7. Awakening 8. Southern Air 9. For You, And Your Denial 10. Hang You Up 11. Sing For Me 12. Paper Walls

I finished watching Marc Maron's "Too Real" special on Netflix. It's a solid if unspectacular piece of work, with some enjoyable musings on Trump, ageing and on demand television. It gets a little self-indulgent towards the end, as he reads off musings from post-its that get a disproportionate reaction from the audience. Although they are an American stand-up comedy audience, so I shouldn't really expect anything other than ludicrous fawning. But that's not a reflection on Maron and it's 70 minutes are worth your time. I've also completed my Tellison vinyl collection with their reissue of their debut record "Contact! Contact!". I'd probably start with "The Wages Of Fear" if you're looking to get into the band, but there are a number of solid tracks on their first outing. Plus it also has "Hospital" on it which is one of the most bleak songs I've ever heard and I'm in that sort of mood. 11.5 hour shift t...

Obviously, I had a great time at New Found Glory last night. But with it came the nagging sense that maybe, just maybe, I'm getting too old for this shit. Although I had earlier in the day searched for the band on Twitter and found a 52 year old man posting to say he was on his way to the gig. What a hero that man is. Nonetheless I started to envisage a post-New Found Glory world, even if they had a prominent stage banner reading "1997-Forever". In many respects, this tour would be a fitting swansong for the band. I started thinking if there were any bands I'm desperate to see who I'm yet to. A Something Corporate reunion feels unlikely at this point. I've seen Kevin Devine play solo a few times but I was gutted to miss his headline show with The Goddamn Band in February. It's been an age since Say Anything's last UK tour. I'll probably still go and see Tellison, even though circumstances have kept me away from their two headline shows this weeke...

New Found Glory added a fourth London show to their "20 Years Of Pop-Punk" UK tour, playing "Catalyst" and "Sticks and Stones" in full. Having secured tickets for the first three shows, I felt I couldn't pass this one up, even if they are playing both of those records on different nights later. Their solitary support act, Roam, are named after a song by The Story So Far, who are themselves named after a New Found Glory song, which is on Sticks and Stones. It's the circle of life, or something. I will in all likelyhood be watching Roam three more times, so I desperately wanted them to be good. Although all I really ask of a pop punk support act is that they are better than Trash Boat. The Eastbourne five piece fortunately clear that bar. You can still hear a lot of the US pop-punk acts they're clearly influenced by, but there was enough potential here to suggest there's more to come from them ahead of their second record next month. New ...

I've been getting back into rugby league and my Dad and I support St Helens. Rugby league is to my mind a quicker and more entertaining affair than its union counterpart, with less convoluted rules and more exciting general play. Tonight they beat Salford City Reds 30-4 to end the regular season in the Super 8s, one of the two divisions that top flight rugby league branches off into at a certain point in the season. It is needlessly convoluted. After an unimpressive start to the season, the Saints have rallied to claim a top four spot in the Super League and a semi final match against either Castleford or Leeds. Castleford are enjoying the best year of their recent history, beating everyone in sight whilst Leeds have won more Super League titles than any other side (7). They also have beaten St Helens in the vast majority of the recent fixtures between the two sides. Still, hope springs eternal.

I'm fond of Stuart Goldsmith's "Comedian's Comedian Podcast" in which he interviews a variety of different comedians and performers about their methods, processes and mindsets. I listened to his interview with Pippa Evans today. There's a point where she recalls the time she emailed to tell a friend she was jealous of her professional success bursting into tears as she's telling the story. Evans clearly felt ashamed for feeling that way about someone she clearly admires but I found it quite refreshing. She's touched on something that I struggle with, both in comedy and in life in general, But particularly in stand-up, I have in the past found it difficult to happy for my friends who have experienced success. Not because I don't consider them worthy or deserving but because of a personal sense of envy or because I thought that not achieving the same level of success made me a failure. I think that I have a bitterness streak that's not one of m...

Based on the Stephen King book, a group of 13 year olds who style themselves as "Losers Club" live in the small town of Derry and must get to the bottom of a series of missing child cases and creepy goings on over a number of years. The instigator is a menacing clown called Pennywise who they must hunt down and destroy. Easier said than done. Much like improv and neck tattoos, the horror genre and I have irreconciable differences. This is more like a horror adventure film with a Goonies sort of vibe, although the scary moments aren't all that scary. A scene involving an overhead slide projector is the most inventive. Bill Skasgard puts in a decent shift as Pennywise, sinister but not over the top in characterisation. For the most part, I like the kids and it's easy to root for them, even Richie, who is undeniably something of an arsehole. The stand out among them is Sophia Lillis as Beverly, a young woman struggling both with an abusive father and groundless rumours...

A long opening and closing shift today. Drudgery. And then Antonio Valencia twatted the ball from outside the penalty area past Jordan Pickford for Manchester United's opening goal in their 4-0 win over Everton. And everything temporarily seemed alright with the world. It was the sort of strike that makes you fall in love with football all over again. To steal a quote from Alan Partridge, he's got a foot like a traction engine. I've also been catching up with the start of the new season of South Park, which amusingly touches upon the Alexa phenomenon with loose references to the recent white supremicist marches in the US. The boys asking Alexa to put items such as "titty chips" on their Amazon shopping list were textbook puerility and I hope the series has got back on track after the last season, where the attempt to create a thematic serialised arc was jettisoned after Trump's presidential victory and what we were left with was something of an incoherent me...

I found out today that a comedian/performance artist I had met at last year's Camden Fringe press day had taken his own life at the age of 32. Edward Harris, who performed as Ed Surname, had amongst other things filmed himself every day for 20 years as a project to be screened at the festival. I found him to be a friendly, thoughtful guy who was clearly hugely committed to his art. From what I've read and seen of his work, it appeared that he had been struggling with depression and mental health problems for much of his life. My condolences go out to his family and friends at this difficult time. This tragic event and Clarke Carlisle's disappearance on Friday (thankfully he was found) have led me to reflect on my own issues in the past week. I had some especially dark thoughts at one point in the week and elected to share them with a friend, who presented a reasoned argument as to why they were wrong. I'm not saying this is something that can necessarily be talked awa...

This morning, a partially exploded bomb caused a fire in a Tube train at Parsons Green, injuring 29 people, none seriously. The bomb's charge failed to detonate. In a sense it's reassuring to know that however murderous or sinister their intentions, terrorists remain human beings and thus are susceptible to human error. If I were ISIS, I wouldn't even have bothered attempting to claim credit for this one. Although obviously they did. I'm pretty convinced that on more on one occasion, ISIS have taken credit for something they haven't instigated and there's some jobsworth jihadi behind a desk somewhere who has to make those decisions. Less flippantly, it's difficult to avoid repeating oneself when these incidents arise and it's foolish to pretend that their frequency both here and around Europe this calendar year isn't a concern. But equally I'm not any more scared than I was before they took place. It's an unavoidable fact of life that at an...

I have not left the house today. It's always a possibility if I'm not contractually obligated to leave the house, but I ordinarily manage to depart. It's basically been one of those days where I've slept in, played Peggle on my Xbox (the simple to play, difficult to master puzzle game that has been a time drain of late) and then slept some more. I presume the idea of this is that I'm getting enough rest that I'll have enough energy for later in the week, but in reality I just feel groggy and terrible about myself. I probably should have come to this realisation about sleeping in before the age of 29, but there you go. I suppose that recognising this trait is a sort of progress, there were days in my early to mid 20s at the height of my depression where I would stay in for three or four days. Progress in my life is slow. That's the gist of this one.

Today I have been reflecting a little on the events of 16 years ago, as I have often in the past. I've read and watched so many different things about 9/11 over the years. I saw this article about "The Falling Man" in Esquire from last year, a touch flowery for my liking but an interesting read. I very much like Kevin Devine's take on the subject "No Future" from last year's excellent "Instigator" record. That and a number of other offerings from Devine's back catalogue are available for the next week on a "Pay What You Want" basis from Big Scary Monsters on their Bandcamp page . I'm a big fan of KD's emotive politically charged output and would particularly recommend the "Live At St Pancras Old Church" collection as an introduction to his work. There's also a Tellison single and some stuff from Modern Baseball who are also great. Go go go.

Another day of opening and closing another shop and the associated anxieties about making mistakes that will be flagged up by other people. It's deeply irrational but I wonder if it's ever really going to go away. Three weeks from a holiday though, so things aren't all bad. I'm currently watching the US Open final in which I fully expect Rafa Nadal to beat Kevin Anderson in straight sets. The tournament has had so many drop outs that I was offered a wildcard at one stage. I declined the offer due to work commitments. I later discovered that had I competed and lost in the opening round, I would have received 3.7 times my annual salary. In retrospect, a foolish decision.

Inspector John Kildaire (Bill Nighy) is a Victorian era detective who is placed by Scotland Yard on the case of the Limehouse Golem, a murderer terrorising East London. The case becomes connected with Elizabeth Cree (Olivia Cooke) a popular music hall performer accused of poisoning her husband. I'm not ordinarily into this sort of film but I thought this was rather good. Nighy brings the sort of gravitas to the role that one would expect but it's Cooke who provides the stand-out performance as the put upon Elizabeth attempting to shake off her abusive childhood and prove herself to the world. Douglas Booth is particularly entertaining as Dan Leno, the eminent music hall headliner of the era. A stylish "whodunnit" that keeps you guessing to the very end and one of the better films I've seen this year. Yes, I have lost my enthusiasm for writing these blogs.

Patricia Dombrowski (Daniella McDonald) is a 23 year old woman from New Jersey who lives with her mother and ailing grandmother. An overweight woman nicknamed "Dumbo" in her community, she dreams of becoming a rapper alongside her friend Jheri (Siddharth Dhananjay). Enlisting the help of Basterd the Antichrist (Mamoudou Athie), an enigmatic mute with a talent for sampling, they form PBNJ, record a demo and attempt to take on the world. On a personal level, it's nice to see a film based around a portly central character and McDonald's performance is the main reason to go and see this. As someone with a lot of creative struggles, I related a great deal to her character and my heart broke with her in one particularly devastating scene which demonstrates why you should never meet your heroes. Director Geremy Jasper also had a role in the writing of the movie's original music which feels plausibly raw enough to come from newcomers but catchy enough to carry us alon...

In the early hours of this morning, I was gripped by a terrible sense of dread that I had lost something pertinent to my work. But before then I had already spiralled downwards mentally, hypothesising a future in which I was sacked and unable to find another job and driven to suicide. Clearly that's not normal, but these anxiety issues continue to dog me. The incident has made me reflect on how well I'm coping with everything and I've concluded that the answer is probably not as well as I had hoped. 4 years ago, I had serious doubts about whether I was able to function as a human being at all. Things have improved since then but I feel that I'm still a long way way from moving on in my life to the stages that might be considered "normal" for someone of my age. I suffer from depression and know that I suffer from depression and will in all likelyhood have to manage that for the rest of my life. But I feel that I need to do more and push myself more if I...

A decade on from "An Inconvenient Truth", Al Gore returns to discuss the world's current state of play regarding climate change. I came out of this with a lot more respect and admiration for Gore, who has dedicated much of his life to this cause and travels around the globe to train climate activists. The majority of his claims stand to reason. 14 of the 16 years since the turn of the century have been the hottest 14 years on record. If sea levels rise, areas of the world like Miami will bear the brunt in terms of flooding. The footage of "water bombs" dropping as a result of atmospheric changes is particularly shocking, as is the pictures from one particular disaster in the Philippines. An interviewer asks him at one point what prompted his change of career and Gore notes "The Supreme Court of the United States made that decision", a touch ruefully. It's difficult not to reflect on what might have been, particularly in this specific field. He ...

Detroit tells the story of the 12th Street Riot in 1967, specifically focusing on an incident at the Algiers Motel, which escalated after police heard a gun shot coming from one of the motel windows. A full account of the evening does not exist, and the events have been dramatised by director Kathryn Bigelow. The combination of filmed and archival footage works well as she successfully captures the feel of Detroit in the period. We follow the police, a security guard named Philip Dismukes (John Boyega) and a Motown group named "The Dramatics" before the three strands merge at the Algiers. This extended midsection is one of the most harrowing I can remember in recent memory. Having seen Will Poulter as a dweeby teenager in passable comedy "We're The Millers" a few years ago, the transformation he undergos in this film as Philip Krauss is quite remarkable. The chacter is absolutely monstrous as he comes to epitomise police brutality of the period, going to unf...

I watched "Amanda Knox" on Netflix yesterday, concerning the arrest and conviction of Amanda Knox and her boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito for the murder of Meredith Kercher in Perugia in 2007. Forensic evidence connected a local man named Rudy Guede to the crime, who had a history of breaking and entering. We hear predominantly from Knox and Sollecito, as well as the chief prosecutor Giuliano Mignini, whose actions don't exactly cover him in glory. There are frequent contributions from the former Daily Mail journalist Nick Pisa, who covered the case for the paper. He describes the developing story as "great", expresses his delight that he had so many front page stories and dismisses the notion that he should have double checked any of the information he was given. My conclusion is that Pisa is an amoral, deplorable piece of shit. Although he's not the only one. Amanda's father shows admirable restraint when a reporter informs him his daughter may not be...

I crawled into bed at 6:25am this morning feeling that I am definitively too old for this shit. I had gone out drinking to celebrate a friend's 30th and ended up in a club in Kings Cross with many of the city's young and vibrant people. I cast an envious glance over at the snoggers and the dancers. I've had fear of missing out before FOMO was a thing. For some reason, I've always associated this sort of thing with living life to the fullest. The reality is that I've always found socialising in large groups to be mentally exhausting and I can never enjoy myself as much as need to to justify staying out into the wee small hours of the morning. I bought a McDonalds, experienced the novelty of catching a Night Tube* and went home alone. *What appeared to be the last Night Tube too, as the departures board indicating a second Victoria Line train in a harrowing 47 minutes time.